Sex, Relationships, Social Status, and Why I've Stayed Single For So Long

     Whether it's directed to a personal relationship or individual goals; this is the 'most' important product needed for success in our world.  In the past if cultivated properly, this is the most manipulative and disastrous product known to man.  What is it? What? Huh!?

     Passion...

     My opinion stands as such; for the majority of us our passions and drive haven't been being used positively to direct many of us down a road of progress and success.  Now, this is an opinion and not a generalization of everyone that I know, and even so...quite a few times over the past few years, I've fallen into a slump where I lose sight of my goals, and lose that passionate drive to complete even the most mundane tasks.

     Some folks are self-starters, using something simple such as taking a walk, meditating, etc. to get them out of their slump.  But, for many (such as myself) I usually get back on track by carefully studying people that have a very consistent work ethic or monitor folks that have similar goals or aspirations to mine that have already attained success in their own right.  Humans are social creatures, so for many people being able to study and get advice from those who are higher up on the flagpole than they are; It's easier to relate, and create your custom blueprint for success based on other people's experiences (why go through some dumb s*** if somebody else already suffered through it).

     Now...Passion goes hand in hand with the term Love.  But, it's so much more complicated to correctly utilize your passions and desires when you put personal relationships in the mix of those ideologies.  With this you put a melting pot of emotions, personal situations, drama, etc. and many other things that determine whether your relationship will be successful.  It's finding that balance of passion and common sense that will ultimately determine whether your friendships, work relations, and yes...even your love interests are going to complement your life or destroy it.

    Personally, I've been in a battle to the death with relationships ever since I can remember (At this point in time I'm still confused about where I stand :-p).  Didn't really have my first (intimate) relationship until I was in college.  Naivety killed my 1st relationship, i thought I could trust everybody at the time, and that people can change instantly.  I confused lust with passion.  2nd (intimate) relationship I had the same problems, but instead of short term lust and drama, this lasted for about a year and a half (longest relationship I've ever had to date) before separation. Even with the problems and issues we had, this created an unhealthy emotional bond that took a toll on my mentality until a year or so ago.  So a crazy stint from (05-11) of casual dating or bf/gf relationships that'd last around 3-5 months; where I would obsess over my insecurities, lust, passions, and common sense.  But, throughout all of these situations --with the exception of 1-- I was totally honest about my intentions and social status.  Really all you can ask from your partner is honesty.  Honesty is the best policy.  And within that honesty there are several categories of social status that I needed to understand to better fit what type of progress I expected from those particular relationships.

1.) Single - I really shouldn't have to put an explanation after this but I will anyway.  It's so self explanatory, this term is used on Drivers Licenses, Tax Forms, and even your Voter Registrations.  You HAVE NO OBLIGATIONS TO ANYONE ON AN EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL LEVEL (cept if you have kids and then you might fit into another category later on in this list).  Do what you want to do, but just remember, Herpes is for life...

2.) Exclusive - Awesome term.  I'd like to think I came up with this in H.S. and I even created a song going over the intricacies of this idea.  Easiest way to put it is the 'limbo' between being single and being in a monogamous relationship.  Exclusive relationships mean you are sexually exclusive with one partner, but not quite yet emotionally attached enough to cultivate a full BF/GF relationship. Ex. using the term "I'm In Love With You."

3.) F.W.B. aka Friends With Benefits - Friends (Non-Sexual) no matter how long you've known each other should never begin a sexual relationship like this.  Usually starts with a drunk night of groping, or a need for instant gratification at a random opportune time, and then almost always being made official with a bet under the terms of we'll never fall in love or get emotional.  Reality is, sex is an emotional act (in humans), and more often than not, the female ends up getting attached to this relationship first.  Usually ends in disaster, but not always.  But, back to the definition.  F.W.B. means you have a friend that you occasionally have sex with.  Aka, 'F*** Buddies'.

4.) BF/GF Standard Relationship - Traditional.  Meaning I have a BF/GF.  Exclusive + The Title. Usually based on the couple and comfort level, the term 'I Love You' may be used.  Walks in parks, holding hands, romantic dinners, meeting the parents is pretty much standard in these monogamous relationships.

5.) Casual Dating - If you are in one of these, it's like being single.  You are casually dating multiple people to kind of weed out the ones you are not compatible with.  To avoid somebody blowing up your car or peeking through your windows while you're sleeping, make sure that all parties are aware of your social status as to not mislead or "lie" to people.  If you're going to break a heart while casually dating, honesty is the easiest way to do this.  

6.) Booty Call - (9pm - 5am) typical hours but can vary based on traditional work schedule.  If he/she (The Booty Call-er) is married, you (The Booty Call-ee)will get caught.  Don't expect (The Booty Call-er) to fall in love with you.  It's rare, and if they really wanted you they'd be with you off top.  AKA The Late Night Creeper.

7.) Baby Momma/Daddy - this is a negative term in any context.  There is a big difference between a baby momma and a Mother; and a Baby Daddy and a Father.  If you overhear yourself calling your child's parent this, or if somebody calls 'you' this; you've f***ed a loser or you are a loser.

7.5) Parent (Father/Mother) - a positive term for a parent.

8.) Engaged - He/She put a ring on it...might get married.

9.) Married - He/She put a BIGGER ring on it, in the Bible it means you will be together forever.  AKA The Big Tax Break.

     Okay, I've covered most but not all of the social statuses that I've personally encountered (I have never been engaged or married but I know of some engaged and married people...and hopefully I am not a baby daddy cause to my knowledge I don't have kids.)  But still the big problem I have, is that people that I've dated no matter what social status I have, they aren't completely honest with their feelings and what their motivation is for a relationship or goals in life.  Or they don't have any, or they'll voice their goals, aspirations and passions, and have an ulterior motive behind them.  Like I've even had a good friend that I wanted to be with, use me for sex just to make her ex jealous.  But, alas I've always been true about my intentions at all times, even through indecision I've voiced them (honestly and wholeheartedly) to my significant others.

     In hindsight, I believe my inability to procure a stable long-term relationship is my constant search for that balance between passion and common sense.  Balancing emotions, personal goals, and common sense in real life situations.  I'm not stupid so I understand that nobody (especially myself) can't juggle these things perfectly at the same time, all of the time, for long periods of time.  Balance is the key though.  Balance means, there will be highs and lows, but with people around me that support me, give great advice through real life experience, and even show love and understanding, it's easier to control my passions with common sense and advice and utilize them in a positive light, and thus allowing me to better control my path to a successful life and possibly [:-)] a successful relationship one day.

Reno K

Disc Jockey-Ing For Dummies Vol. 1

Ahhh, time for my 2nd Blog post ever so I figure that I can bring a little humor this time around.  If you don't know me very well, my primary occupation as of late is a Wedding Reception Disc-Jockey for a fairly large company in Southeast WI.  The only thing that sucks is that its kind of seasonal because of our weather here in the mid-west, but anywho; I've been doing this for the better part of 4 years and with this post I shall bestow upon my readers some of my experiences, stories, pet-peeves, and do's and don'ts for anyone who is looking to pursue this career or for anyone that is going to be a part of a wedding anytime soon. ;-)

Rule 1: Hygiene
As a person in the service industry, looks aren't everything (well they kind of are, but not a defining factor of your success) but Hygiene is.  Figure this, if you are hosting a wedding reception & ceremony that usually takes a good 10-12 hours out of your day.  I don't personally know anyone who would smell like a spring breeze after being on their feet running around working for 12 hours.  So as a major rule, make sure you have a Dj's 1st Aid-Kit complete with: 1:) Chewing Gum or Mints 2.) Deodorant (preferably Axe or Old Spice in spray form.) 3.) And also a spare shirt (s**t happens).  Because every client wants a Funky DJ, but not a FUNKY DJ.

Rule 2: Alcohol
Depending on the bride & groom, venue, and whether or not there is an open bar, this is one of the few professions where it may be alright to have an occasional drink.  ONLY within moderation!!!  Everybody wants to have fun, but an alcoholic dj is far from that.  First, if you do have any alcohol, try to be as inconspicuous as possible while getting your drink.  It's not good business etiquette for your client to overhear you ordering 2 shots of Everclear and a Jager - Bomb right before you start spinning the dance music.  MODERATION, make sure you can walk a straight line and say your ABC's backwards before announcing the names for the Bridal Party introduction as to not slaughter the names of the people that are potentially paying you for your services.

Rule 3: Requests - BE COURTEOUS but STERN!!!
Potentially a product that can determine the success or demise of your evening is your ability to pick and choose requests given to you by your crowd.  Depending on whether this is a wedding reception, teen party, or club scenario, these can help you get a better idea of what the crowd enjoys and is willing to dance to.  Be able to also use common sense when utilizing requests if you are taking them for the night.  It's cool to play songs people know and recognize, but try not to alienate yourself from your crowd by playing a DJ megamix mash-up of unreleased material from some random guys ipod because he says that he's a dj in New York and people are "going dumb" over this song "in the streets".  Never ends up well, trust me.  You wouldn't wear cowboy boots and a sombrero to a job interview, now would you? Unless it was for a rodeo.  I prefer to do an announcement directed toward the crowd explaining that I am taking requests and will 'TRY' to play them if I have them and are appropriate to the party.  DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT PROMISE ANYONE that you will play their request immediately (unless they are the people who are paying you for being the dj for the night).  I've seen what happens if you promise and don't deliver.  Let's just say a fellow DJ friend got into a fist fight for not playing Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison in a prompt and immediate manor.

Rule 4: Dancing -- ALSO WITHIN MODERATION
The only setting that I've been in as a DJ where I could get out on the dance floor is during wedding receptions (at clubs and bars this is almost impossible due to the up-tempo-ness of the vibe & music).  Well, the only time I figure its appropriate is if you are teaching your group how to do the Electric Slide or Cupid Shuffle or some ish like that.  You might get your a** beat if you're on the dance floor and the Bride and Maid Of Honor are backin' dat a** up on you.  In that case a picture is worth more than 1,000 words, it's also worth a lawsuit and a trip to the hospital after the groom finds this picture posted on his wife's Facebook page.

Rule 5: Be a student of music
Being a Dj is like writing a book.  Each song is a chapter in the story of the evening that you are creating through music.  A successful story has transitions that lead from one story to the next.  Make sure that your mixes from song to song complement each other.  You don't want to go from a slow dance to a fast dance to a slow dance.  Make sure you are building your playlist like you are leading up to the climax of a story.  This gives people who want to slow dance a chance to get drinks and talk while upbeat music is playing and vice versa.  It makes the night more memorable.

Lol, I hope this has been a decent overview of some experiences that I've gone through in my tenure as a dj, and I'm sure there will be more stories I will share with you in the future.  :-)

Reno K